Read this: MacTaggart Lecture 2018: Michaela Coel

Hello and welcome to this special bonus edition of the media podcast by Molly man on today's show you'll hear the full unedited recording of this year's mactaggart lecture delivered at the Edinburgh International TV festival Baby actor writer and producer Michaela Cole in the next 50 minutes.

You'll hear her rise to fame from this date in Tower Hamlets to the BAFTA winning success of chewing gum on E4 as well as a brutally honest account of what it took to get that series made his Michaela Cole in her own words and just a quick warning is podcast does contain strong and sometimes racist language.

Hello.

I found myself standing before you in front of this podium to give a lecture ex-boyfriend's of accused me of giving these universities of accuse me of never attending tomorrow.

Shape with this word has had a river the mactaggart lecture let's face it.

I don't really know how it works in this house.

I like my wonderful predecessor Jon Snow this whole reading things.

I haven't memorized from a screen for strangers is some brand new shit, but I am so so very glad for this opportunity is platform and for the urgency.

It's instilled in me to learn but I am really nervous who would've been over maybe only like war 5% 95% of this room would be reckoned as a bit much.

Thank you for inviting me to speak as a creative producers broadcasters and satisfying for careers in such Fields today as a creative.

I'm going to do what I do best.

I'm going to tell you a story.

Maybe you can look the patterns.

I was born and raised in London the square mile sometimes considered Tower Hamlets sometimes considered city of London home to both the stock exchange and the Bank of England between us modern Cooper skyscraper, Towers and mediaeval Alleyways if there's a social housing estates right there in Plain Sight yet.

Somehow.

I'm saying it was originally built in 1977 with the aim to help homeless people in London and that's my proud home even though there may be someone rushing past it for the hand with no idea this council estate exists we lived opposite the Royal Bank of Scotland which somehow felt other and slightly bizarre.

Not the Scottish bit just the Royal Bank

Amazon we were wanted for black families.

They're not something.

I thought anyone gave a damn about until someone left a pile of shit on our doorstep my mum silently it up but when we receive the bag of chips away letterbox as an adult.

I had no choice but to take things into my seven-year-old hands.

I walked around the estate Swan on the swing desperate for transparency wondering who are the enemies of my family.

Have a good it was Sam so I'll call you when I leave anchor then somebody call me a date and he was quite that was just a way of expressing our mistrust and fear of those who are visually or culturally different from ourselves.

But we also have fun the same Sam will be at mine for Nintendo between scraps my mum would make us scones the miracle of my state was Noah on the Best of David Lean out of his window and sprinkle halal penny sweets down and as they fell every child of every colour and Creed would Scramble for the from the playground and Scrabble for a sweet this week for nothing like the taste buds were fully aware of the pavement in the mix with my point.

Was you got a sweet and other people doing.

flip your name

not far from the square mile.

There's a theatre where you might say my route into TV started mother a single hard-working immigrants in England with a health and social sciences student and a weekend cleaner.

She discovered a theatre with allowed children from low-income families to join the youth group of three was cheaper than chocolate and a 8 years old.

I was a part of Bridewell Theatre the only black person who played from morning till noon and we sometimes even appear as ensemble in their main place.

I don't know ok.

What the place where about but I would cry for weekend because it meant of course we're leaving that has just started to feel like family.

Later I joined the girls secondary school in my borrow their newborns replaced lost ones a crew of 10 Misfits mainly hailing from Africa and the Caribbean I will never forget our first i t class pretending to listen to a teacher ramble on about modems and cd-roms then the southern sound of glass shattering out of what was a window 2 seconds before a girl's head was smashed through it even more disturbing was the sound in the room followed after laughter.

We 10 year olds learn the rules of the game quickly from 923 lawful be laughed at and after 3 go home to your room and crying whilst in my case attaching my head brace.

This was a Catholic School in which student prostitution was a shock but you're gorgeous could have got it to spread and wish you could on weekends find the rare sighting of a teacher in the middle of an East London market slouched on the curb of alcohol induced paralysis and as one would a shooting star you were lucky if you caught a glimpse.

This was 1999 we were the 12 year olds with Nokia 3310 the one to one Network forward malfunction and calls would unintentionally be made free that's right free call the news with flying like falcons through our Communities and upon the wings of those Eastwood falcons, the most important of news Janet only left here Claire has sex with the back of the bus with bola Martina is selling Bengals out of a bin bag for 20 p 25 p if you want catch up by 2002 on perception of 18 was taking a strange turn.

It wasn't a boring waste of time.

This was a training ground for the most powerful weapon a girl of 13 could have the anonymous creation of web pages, what faster cheaper way to disseminate simplicate and destroy a new age had begun a sharp knife a silencer gun with limitless bullets do the polar unknown delicious until I found myself on the wrong end of it as the big lip girls who go through blowjobs last week a coconut and install used to describe one who is black on the outside white on the inside as you would imagine a coconut or you could just imagine looking at the first black girl in the school history to join the Irish dancing team.

That's what I was performed centre rope a fucking smashed it by blowjobs.

I was outraged the only thing I was blowing with the clarinet.

I've been bullied about these lifts for a while.

As I find shumai clarinet skills alone in the music room some of the older girls would come in and block the door.

They insult my lips.

How big they were how ugly they were really sing the only when the tears became visible needless to say I had a steady amount of baggage that fuelled me into creating my first ever webpage all those were anonymous.

I decided to sacrifice my anonymity by mentioning those unique insults thrown my way when I threw back was an attack not on them, but on their ideals are Maggi So What my train is a designer.

So what I love the Irish step dance so what I made it funny.

I insulted myself, but I also let me know.

I don't give a fuk.

One day the Queen sat next to me in science and she really was considered by all of us a real Queen like Claire Foy soft gentle easily recognisable by her loud brash laugh.

I've never spoken to her.

I haven't did I just felt this intrinsic desire to respect keep distance.

But she's not there.

Looked me in the eye and whispered she was pregnant and breaking the news to me in advance, so I keep her name off of my webpage.

She let me feel her baby bump the first.

I'd ever felt in a 14-year-old belly a baby having a baby.

The web pages were brutal prints out with passed around classes we giggle at public destruction the occasional Arsenal mod with Mania and misery heard I respected her more than anyone.

I've ever met but even if I hated her I had no desire to put that information anywhere.

My house soul rest in peace.

I was passing one of my main beliefs in the corridor.

She's on the phone roaming back and forth stressed nonetheless.

She had a few seconds for me the picture fatlip.

I turned to her and agreed I added that it was the hardest part of my mum's pregnancy pushing about I said she seemed stressed and asked if she wanted a hug.

She never spoke to me again.

Coming from the tiny square mile and a tiny family what carried me through those five years was the abundance of black girls white girls mixed girls Misfits my friends were all Misfits a huge gang of commercially unattractive beautiful Misfits who found the mainstream world unattractive only outside we were difficult to distinguish spots on the inside known by name and nature this isn't only work carried me through those he is those girls made those the best five of my life.

Newborns replace lost ones upon finding myself in a church I fell in love with God with Jesus his actions his character.

I read the Bible and love this metaphors.

It's hope it's what propelled me into becoming a poet.

It was clear.

I like to telling stories.

I was told to apply for something called a drama school so I dropped out of uni again.

It was my second go at it and in two years.

I've been to only one English lecture button to a friend on the way out and found out.

I just sat there an extra for law students had no idea.

I'd even taken so I left to tell stories my mum was concerned she was an NHS mental health nurse at the time and what could she do, but what's my future fall into uncertainty? Where was I climb into? Why was there? No clear sign of Safety at the end of the ladder?

I got into a drama school in a year of only 23 hour drama school in my square mile are grown up walking past it my whole life not knowing what it was and now I was a member of its family.

I was told this Theatre attractive agents from far and wide and during the final year that come to see us perform and sign the hottest dad like kids scrambling for sweets from above silk street.

Theatre where the hottest Talent at the hottest agents to partner with the hottest casting directors to produce the hottest period dramas.

I was the first black girl that accepted in five years coined by my head as the elephant in the room this was my third attempt at uni.

I've still never been into a proper festival.

I just had I've never watched Fawlty Towers or Red Dwarf or heard of any festival in Edinburgh just happened and struggled to Converse on things.

I didn't know about I was watching a lot of.

Seinfeld Marisa golden girls party shoes no one really spoke about so I spend most of my time in the corridor perched like a falcon and retreated into my head.

I was called a niggar twice in drama school.

The first was my teacher during a walk in the space improvisation that had nothing to do with waste oil niga.

What you got for me we students continued walking in the space the two black boys in a glancing each other whenever we passed who she talking to you.

It was not me that was passing around responsibility like a hot potato muffler my last.

I wonder what the other students thought about complicity.

The second time was a girl in my own yeah after class myself in the same two boys found ourselves perched in the corridor she passed and wait.

See you later niggars.

We three blacks of Oriental post with a dilemma wiggles hot potato belong to order us.

I tried to act I called her back and commonly gave her sound Advice she smiled continued on her way and never said sorry.

Drama school is problematic in So Many Ways as an evangelical Christian the plan was to teach the homosexuals about Jesus but I accidentally ended up becoming best friends with some of them and learning from these other kind of Misfits yes homosexual bonds replaced, but I still love the character of Jesus I just started paying attention to the staff free and around in written by people who simply knew how to write and I didn't care for what I read.

We were told at school if we wanted to pursue this we should be yes people and expect to be poor for the rest of our lives climb because he wants to tell stories and I loved the concept all of us United climbing towards storytelling at the risk of poverty screaming.

Yes, it's exercise the teacher commanded we run 2.0 my parents owned a home or the point being if they do when everybody else want to play and I found myself isolated point p i was astounded had landowning taken over my blacklist.

Why did this exercise even exist?

I thought

then pumped about it.

Not about how hard it was not only a house.

I wrote about the resilient support from having no safetynet at all having to climb ladders with no stable Ground Beneath you on top of it all are ladders with faulty born climbing the ladder before we could walk and better climate fast left.

It's nothing if your feet I told people to keep climbing for the love of it whatever the craft not because of financial profits of safety, what is safety I wrote that such circumstances can leave you feeling destined for the defeat or it could do something else.

It could read a determination a relentless pursuit of one's dreams that no space man could ever replicate I changed the narrative by twisting it to my favorite.

This idea of the prophet ladder was producing such a desperate proceeding some around me for those who had no means of getting more.

They were arrested.

I was aware even then for the proportion of black people in prison in the UK was almost 7 times I share of the population 7 times.

I blocked again.

One day an emergency meeting was scheduled between here and the teachers we gathered some students made small talk about the toilets not flushing a teacher ensure.

They be fixed them van that came out.

What are these blocks upset people people who didn't see colour or class?

You later a friend saw me perched in the corridor.

She apologized for going to the teachers back then and orchestrating a meeting that she and many others knew would take place long before it occurred.

I also knew that already because I homosexual gave me to pop in a box tribe.

I just loved the craft.

I don't mind the occasional need a flip on military coup.

I just wanted to be a lead on the Southeast Asia have to get any part at least once I'm the first black girl that had in half a decade.

How could they not my egos dreams came through I was to play lysistrata in lysistrata.

Miui.

Really happy for me.

The only later found out this performance wouldn't be on silk Street it would be in South London a 35 minute drive across the river.

I meant so sad, they had to me now waiting is going to come to this Michaela not the hot ones.

They simply will not cross the river.

I did anyone everyone who lives anyone knows we live by the river baby don't cross it was always an option to remove yourself from a Manger to do a 15-minute solo piece really did anyone do this as it wasn't on the Silk Street stage it was in the basement, but this wasn't about agency was a chance to create something that wasn't a period drama designed in period costumes.

I wanted to make something for this.

I wrote a dark comedy call dreams a title born from an image in my mind.

Other tool council flat tall is the Tower of Babel winged Falcon soarin' around its highest floor in the petrol circles watching the jet planes and helicopters fly by curious of life beyond the tower but terrified of leaving it.

Their wings were weighed down by gossip dissemination rivalry fitting in but also by love passion dreams.

There's only so much a falcon could carry, so you'd offload the things Society to ask for most superfluous dreams love and passion and down there to send dreams free falling for my tower block already forgotten before crashing into the pavement trampled on by newly acquired designer trainers squashed into the pavement like chewing gum.

Chewing gum dreams play the 11 parts the response in that basement was something neither I nor they had ever experienced and on that hi, I did what I do best I dropped out.

University graduates acquired land in Hackney he turned into a theatre and accepted my player for a 4-day run despite my submission being late having read The Script you gave me Tina crucial that I listened the rest however Direction set design costume design marketing was down to me.

I advertised on social media if you meant me in Tinseltown I buy you a milkshake if you bought a ticket the milkshake bought a lot of people to the yard.

I sat there from 13 to 1 a.m.

Ticket sales increased.

I did this while editing and rehearsing the Script it was exciting my show went up and the audience went up with me on my wings responding understanding laughing and crying and every place.

I hope they would people came who looked at things the way I did and saw they didn't fit.

Some further spend most of their lives being judged and disempowered before even speaking the Misfits or inspired to create.

Try continue speaking as an actor at the National Theatre I remain there for a year playing and bonding in various plays I even had a full day Runner Chillingham dreams in the shed a temporary Theatre was great many more Misfits Kane the plane was read by a production company that under the umbrella of a huge production company they asked if I wanted to make a TV show yeah, of course.

How do you say yes they suggested I admit dreams from the title.

I said yes of course that I was to write and read a 20 minute version of what I imagine the show' to look like and invite a small audience for a channel who interested I was then asked to write 535 minute scenes of TV to be able loaded onto the internet were the first attempts at scenes.

I've ever written for TV I have no practice.

Obviously I was an outsider.

Outside now in a bad way, I wasn't out in the rain.

I just wasn't here when people mention diversity.

I guess we mean people who aren't watching on making much of my telly creatives outside of this industry.

I can't use the word diversity because really I couldn't get clarity on it.

I can't use outside our because he in out thing becomes reminiscent brexit, so I'm going to take on an existing word biscuit and change the meaning of it just for this lecture.

I've already made my own website with the dictionary definition here and I read the town Misfits headphones or notions of it is one who looks at life differently many however.

I made into Misfits because life looks at them differently the UK's black Asian and Ginger Communities for example.

There are many examples.

Culture simply by a Desire for transparency a desire to see another point of view misbelief it it will sometimes find themselves merging with the mainstream for feeling of safety synonym outsider.

I'm calling any challenge to my definition fake news update channels production companies and online streaming services have found themselves scrabbling for Misfits like kids in a playground scrambling for sweets desperate for he not sure of the taste of these sweets these dreams just to where they might be very profitable as the jet plane hovers over the tower.

Not sure where to land.

how to land if at all

in the quest for new writers the misfit looking people are instinctively sought after first but instead of nursery them to write for themselves the last few years have seen an immediate coupling with writers before the process has become writers more experienced who fit into this.

How small is it important the voices used to interruption get experience of writing something without interference at least one.

We seem unsure unknowing of their world and therefore their stories so maybe wear a little tentative uploading through your for short scenes or one full episode book online.

The new creator using social media platforms to tell their followers the outsiders who don't watch telly, but finally if they've been able to make something for TV online the channel and produces study the comments on social media investigating the audiences response is that important I think so the fact that this year three major US a something cancelled and revived by social media alone confirms that a medium outside of television is beginning to take control of it.

Do you let them in to start making it with you?

audio blocking out

does it matter potential by definition is the possibility of achieving more in the fast-paced world of digital advertising Oracle data cloud has built it's like I say on finding the signal through the noise on unlocking potential we bring together data and technology to help you better understand your audience where to best engage them and how to measure a tool to realise true potential Oracle data cloud where better outcomes begin visit Oracle data cloud., to landlords, BBC sounds ancient ancestors and apparently.

That's the sound of a rainforest whatever that is in the year 2370 in animals or insects.

So if we don't have these things anymore what on earth did you do for for Forest 404 a brand new drama podcast starring pearl Mackie to listen to Forest for eyeball first download the free BBC Sounds app social media has done great things for us.

It's allowed us to feel more loved encouraged connected to make and Share work with it's also raised anxiety paranoia and loneliness in young people especially are we and forming are young people of the possible negatives or are we too busy capitalising on it?

I don't know I already told you I'm new to this house, but after the Misfits enjoyed my 3 scenes a producer call to say the head of the head of the head of the child greenlit my series the feeling of yes, I like them to the standing ovation at the end of my plate.

They asked me if I'd like to write the show alone.

I said yes, of course.

I do shih tzu yes patients of the National Theatre food once heard me before the poem asked if I was writing anything else.

They gave me the keys to their second home in America by a lake to writing for no personal gain at all.

I didn't realise just had disconnected this part of America would be however where were the people the sirens the noise? Where was the Wi-Fi please? It was safe so safe to quiet.

I check the doors were locked repeatedly check social media perpetually after a few days.

I had no choice but to relax and in those two weeks.

I wrote drops of all six episodes.

How had a falcon never flown to a lake?

Back in London my scripts were noted by the company notes were given on Friday nights and expected back we drafted by Monday calculating the hours easily.

I saw I could reach my target if I erase the concept of weekends and so sleeping as something you didn't do deeply or every night.

Just I'm nice like anal, but I still wasn't getting it right the producer rang to say the commissioner for what I needed co-writers urgently.

I got that calling boots.

I'll speak then found myself something into the tights and discretely leaving them there for someone else to buy I was making a story about the world from my view from the view of those Misfits I've grown up with who looked at things a bit like I did.

Have you really found on TV

Did these crime writers know my world from the inside or was there any fake could they distinguish our nature from the outside? I don't know the exact producer pushed the head of comedy to read my scripts after which the search for emergency co-writers was terminated.

The creatives there is a beauty in carving your own story conceiving it at least one alone then allowing others to assist in nurturing and insuring it particularly for unheard voices the voice is denied or for those who are given the opportunity to speak find themselves surrendering to intermediate to immediate interruption.

Is co-writing immediate interruption?

What would my scripts have been had they been interfered with that such an embryonic stage I was relieved.

However after jar of 229 a friend discovered my body on the floor in the dark.

I was looking for my brain.

He asked for my script editor was doing I asked what's good.

I called the Producers they didn't they wanted it to be my baby that's nice, but this is my first pregnancy if we wanted this baby to be cute instead of the pram the world wish they never picked into I couldn't do it alone and I needed a doctor things have to be episodic said the Script editor and never heard that word for episodic and you have infected in Commercial breaks when you finish the first time giving the reasons to come back.

Heathrow map of my story lines on a whiteboard and simply rearrange them almost mathematically, I was impressed.

He had great tools.

He thought I had great stories.

Began shooting I was on set all day even when I wasn't in the scene doing rewrites in the trailer assessing where I could save produces money despite having no clue how much that money was Audrey won't seem so they can take place in the same location returning scripts to them with clever cuts.

I liked this feeling.

I felt like they wanted me there.

But it won't became more of a need a fine example is what came to be known as trailer get it was there one of the sheets.

I approached the trailers to find five actors and actresses ranging and tones of brown and black including the woman who plays my mother bound up in one third of a trailer II trailer was occupied by an actress looking like privilege piggy in the middle and III was mine the writer prior to this.

I wouldn't have said and to the production of this but I burst through the door the room fell silent like a scene in EastEnders and I was fully in my Kat Slater mode.

You know what it looks like a fucking shit.

I know I really did say that.

Hello races produces Green to me she was red with rage and wet with tears.

I know you ain't racist that makes it all so busy at the pub door hours past it was a line myself and the actors on one side the Producers on the other and it wasn't last 4 hours we even shooting.

the mood

I was moody.

The executive producer came to me.

An outsider to production and asked would we do?

I suggested he apologise to everyone by my mum my own scream mum, so nice flowers and get someone trainers they did.

I asked the actors why they agree to share.

They just wanted it to work their belief in the job only matched by the anxiety of losing it.

I apologised I told them we are working for A reputable channel and A reputable production company and they wouldn't dream of recasting NE12 wanting a private space to prepare and change how often been told by many people in my industry many producers in many companies test the water's to see what they can get away with.

I told them the opposite of what I'd learn to drama school.

I told these actors the only power we have is the power to say no.

I apologise to the White actress T I asked her to rid herself of any embarrassment.

We shouldn't let that happen.

We were sorry.

I was told during the whole of my career that is the way it is produces negotiating agents the windigo stations are done and in one of the Producers palm City actors willing to forego their right to privacy and in the other actors who said no should they have noticed a racial divide should they have seen the slave ship on their hands before we started failing if so, what then?

As the producer said she wasn't racist I need that.

I've never accused anyone that works of racism but I've been urged to understand someone isn't racist on every job.

I've acted in since just by pointing out possible patterns tendencies.

When I agree, they aren't racist but suggest they may be footless on the matter.

It doesn't go down very well, but if you're not racist or thoughtless about race what other thing can you be?

After this and many other occurrences.

I was left unsure of my position onset.

I wanted this other work.

I was doing to be acknowledged after negotiations.

I was made associate producer.

chewing gum it

my baby has captured an audience the Misfits my euphoria from being light made me so happy.

I will suddenly fitting in I went to press night and parties and try ok.

I had my job to wake up for in the daytime.

So I go to more parties in the Night-Time where I have more cocaine everybody wanted to be my friend.

I was the old friends who I couldn't remember because nothing was more important than me being an actor on cocaine with my active friends Every snort masked the Misery of losing my motherhood chewing gum I graduated I had nothing to focus on.

I told my ex I hear you're struggling with saying he said.

sat alone in silence

the question company

this who I imagined I would be 5 years ago.

I thought about it and then answer came.

no

I grabbed someone I asked for help.

The winner Lucky by Misfits I can recall rummaging through a gift bag for my first mainstream award it contains dry shampoo tanning lotion and a foundation even Kim Kardashian with 2.4 a reminder this isn't your house over time some of us have adopted techniques to turn off feeling of alienation into humour if you've forgotten the feeling of alienation.

How can you laugh at it?

The lack of very perspective among producers the lack of Misfits producing telly can have catastrophic consequences.

I get you an example.

I've got another job after children acting one to be filmed for 3 months in a place far far away.

I was immediately action I searched Online being a bit like me in this place for far away my anxiety.

I was told not to worry and a whilst shooting in this place Far Far Away was my birthday actually another missed it and I for carrying groceries.

I started feeling something sharp on the back of my ankles.

What was that? I turned around to see for men hurling Stones that their brisk walking turning into light jogging reloading from the ground whenever their hands empty the Stones the Producers told us to keep calm and carry on just a few months left.

Could this have been managed better did it have to be on my birthday? I call that a catastrophic consequence the reduces saw shooting in that place as a low-cost Haven

they didn't consider the experiences of the black actors they cost to meet the models of their diversity compass because they didn't think to see things from our point of view a white actress in the car later contacted me she also felt alienated people were pointing at her also and staring at her, too.

She haven't felt that before I just wanted to talk.

I asked her what she thought the root of it was after some silence she said.

I think it's the colour of my hair.

I think it was two in the process of writing this lecture.

I searched online what being an outsider like her might be like in that place.

The websites for a giant hair company came up first the specific page how to bleach your hair the ideal technique and I quote you and your hair is not really blonde.

This is true for 95% of all people nature has given only very few of them blonde hair but these women have spirited the natural pigments out of their hair among the college treatments rating is still number one on the list and quote.

I wondered why is 95% of us didn't fit something we would encourage others to aspire to it.

10 minute

chewing gum without for the second season my agents and I thought being credited in an exec producer would be simple she called to say I would not be made exactly so instead.

I was made creative co-producer.

We began shooting.

Who was a moment during the shoot hot was it the location the staging of writing something just didn't feel right.

I approached the producer is this good.

Why does it feel like I was visibly actually it does feel very good.

Is it good? I was told by the producer.

It was really funny and really great during post-production it became apparent that channel.

Didn't like the look of that story sequence in fact they despised it.

We lost an entire episode the channel said they couldn't give us any more money however which forced the umbrella company to make it rain was to write a new episode of chewing gum.

They could only take place in one location with a maximum of 2 L and 1 Series regulators cost it was to be inserted as the new episode 4 with episode 2 becoming episode 1 episode is that ligaments and limbs of storylines just tossed around to make a version that looks but was still semi recognisable as a TV show they said I didn't have much time.

Adidas advert ex may not change I went to Zurich to right I've got thrush only when I couldn't afford to buy Canesten it became clear I accidentally travel to the third most expensive city in the whole another birthday party.

I should I go hungry I went to McDonald's and ask them if they were give me some fries.

They gave me this is a real life story somebody gave me something from nothing in return.

I wrote that episode in 3 days.

I realised the show me look more human if we made the new Girl episode 1 moved and ligament here swap the right tit with a testicle and boo.

I proposed a version of my child that seemed more her which we all agreed work better.

Mineplex offered me production company under his umbrella after that.

Guildford this fruit is

I never seen him cry.

I wondered if you really wanted to offer me this.

Whether he was emulating a boss about him.

Whoever that was and whether that course was emulating his boss.

I used the only power I had and declined.

Chewing gum to bed.

I don't know anything about the online acquisition.

I was a part of those negotiations.

I was just told alright said then sold to them kinda like your dad coming home saying this is my new wife and the Tanya has no face.

That's how impossible transparency seems really this year Natalia heard.

I was pregnant again and wanted to enquire wanted to acquire my new unborn for $1000000 wow.

I've no mortgage.

No credit card.

No real kids no car and happy with my bicycle money is nice but I prefer transparency my stories are my baby's I will look after them, so I asked to reserve a portion of my parental rights no copyright.

No, that's not the way it is said no fit state.

I use the only power I had and declined.

New writers aren't often made executive producers in the UK I understand this that's the way it is that we're not experienced enough to know the budget.

So when and how do we become more experienced.

This is about me luckily I've learnt this is for the new writers coming after me so the process of learning isn't harder than it should be.

Why not be transparent about the budgets the figures dinner tanyas?

Be more transparent with them about the health and life of the child.

They're having or there in the dark as they enlighten you with TV stories you can't write or film without them in writing them Shine a torch on the figures and budgets.

They can't see whilst researching for this lecture.

I offered my first ever contract to a few writers and sons and then return it was nice to be transparent.

I spoke to her of channels old and new head of production companies heads heads loads and loads and loads of semi-transparent and to observe how people ramble safeguard themselves then just before becoming transparent.

Couldn't get contact information for any board members so well.

They probably only make up about 5% of our industry anyway, my research raised questions.

I wonder whether someone should investigate how the shows have new writers are budgeted each year with in channels to look for patents it may be that business affairs have found it easier to get away with more on certain shows sometimes budgeting way below.

What is commonly held as acceptable when a budget is lower than standard it leaves production companies saving and scrimping and that's a is often taken out on the writer for example the Erasure of script editors.

I was told by researching for this.

That's just the way it is you want to put as much money as you can on the screen.

But without a healthy writing team and a great story.

What do you have on screen to inspire the Misfits love Island be more transparent in our industry has LED those accused of misconduct to courts we know this because they're powerful people who generates clickbaits.

It makes papers.

Are we protecting those abused by producers.

Something or industry is a microcosm of the world.

It's a delicate dancing that the wild reflecting us we can turn the world we have to remember the Barrow outsiders to this industry being raped by men and women who like any celebrity Status to snatch or public power to dissolve.

I'm going to share to experiences simply and only to discuss their effects on our industry our house.

I want an award for writing at the after-party in a London producer introduced himself to me.

I said all yes nice to meet you.

Do you know how much I want to fuc you right now as his immediate source of response returned from him and went home so quickly I left my plus one.

He called upset someone called him whenever it was the same man.

Could my silence have encouraged this producer to push boundaries with other women and black people father?

This thoughts is uncomfortable, but I cannot block it out.

I have to face it.

The other experience was a bit more life-changing.

I was working overnight in the company's offices.

I had an episode due at 7 a.m.

I took a break and had a drink with a good friend who was nearby.

I emerged into consciousness typing season 2 many hours later.

I was lucky.

I had a flashback it turned out.

I've been sexually assaulted by strangers the first people I called after the police before my own family with the Producers

How do we operate in this family of television when there is an emergency?

Overnight I saw them off into a team of employers and employees alike catering back and forth between the line of knowing what normal human empathy is and not knowing what everything is at all women are police involved and footage of people carrying your writer into dangerous places.

When cats are found when there's blood.

What is your job?

Writing felt as though I was cramped in a third of a trailer and wind overcrowded by flashbacks.

I needed to push back the deadline.

It was already typed but just like those actors.

I wasn't sure how damaging it would be to the company so I couldn't ask I was lucky someone was transparent with me.

I want offer you the break a colleague said.

It's not the way you have to take it I asked to push the deadline back and for the channel to be informed as to why the deadline was pushed back with the head of comedy never found out why?

I've been invited you to speak to you as producers from a creative perspective as I've only made One TV show as a creator actor and acted in some other roles I can only speak from my experience.

I'm not intending to single anyone else.

I would also like to add that this company did send me to a private clinic a service they offer to staff when in need the company founded my therapy until the end of the shoot.

I would like to stress.

I was not raped within the officers of the company and I have never been raped by anyone at the company.

Full survivors of trauma therapy is great and you can get it for free.

There are many specialist centres like the Havens in London survivors, Trust UK and inclusive service for sexual assault survivors, Who's Who welcomes those who identify as male trans non-binary anyone who feels like they're struggling can get 3 free therapy on the NHS my mum has been a mental health specialist there for a decade that's why I know it's good to talk and engage with someone else transparently I believe in treating our minds Lytham Street Cars for MOT that's probably fine but just checking just in case.

Like any other experience I found traumatic.

It's been therapeutic to write about it and actively twist a narrative of pain into one of hope and even humour and be able to share it with you as part of a fictional drama on television because I think transparency helps.

Many of us in this industry this world are and creaking ladders climbing surrounded by noise stress and nothing will not even though not of itself it can make the future feel bleak and devoid of Peace leaving song feeling isolated to the point of suicide.

I think of Anthony bourdain who entered isn't he ended his life on June 8th for shooting a serious I think of Alex Beckett and actor who ended his life April 12th May Theatre run and works with him in that place far away.

Is there care for anyone's mind?

Sam find themselves so high there photographs of showcased at prestigious exhibitions in Venice the Queen was recognised last year Queen khadijah say the win the narrative of climbing makes others put profits before people getting cheap cladding into their tower blocks what then how many are the potential artist was stories we want and need to wee lost for the sake of financial profit.

How we lost the thoughtless education systems thoughtless nurturing thoughtlessness.

Why are we platforming Misfits heralding them as newly rich successes, what's the balance on creaking ladders with little chance of social mobility? I can't help them into this house if there's doors within its they can't open it feels complicit.

What I can do is be transparent about my experiences because transparency helps.

The misfit doesn't climb in pursuit of safety or profit.

She climbs to tell stories.

She gets off the ladder and onto the swings swinging back and forth sometimes aggressively sometimes standing up on the swing back and forth in pursuit of only transparency observing the changes but wonders if these changes are taking place within a faulty system.

How can we help each other to fix a faulty system surely we can help each other to fix a faulty house?

Being a producer being head of department head of the house Being Human is a noisy job everything coming at you from all angles.

All Hours I think it's important to make silence for yourself 5 minutes to check if you're ok.

And interrogate your own morals and beliefs in relation to how you operate.

Even if you do think about these things already why not think a little more a little deeper.

Accepting I'm wrong as hard.

I record a phone call from an exact during season 2 of chewing gum advert in a part for a Malaysian woman and one auditionees thought my story was two-dimensional so he must have feelings.

I was told I flailed around like an idiot this isn't my department I'm not I'm an artist not a politician.

I finished anyway.

I'm right beside anymore down the phone.

but in that small gap of Silence

I realised she was right.

And I rewrote the pot.

I changed the narrative.

I wished I just listened and I wish I'd spent more time thinking before I acted in reflection.

I recall a quote from a book called act accordingly by Colin Wright he said there are as many perspectives as there are people are always remember that I've decided to embrace as many as I can and be brave enough to update my beliefs and Discover I'm not always right what a brilliant thing to Discovery been wrong about something what a brilliant thing it is to grow.

Listen, we're all gonna die instead of Standing Here wishing for the good old glory days about the way life used to be before Mark Zuckerberg graduated.

I'm going to be I will try to be my best to be transparent and play whatever part I can to help fix this house.

What part will you play?

Thank you, Michaela Cole delivering this year's mactaggart lecture are thanks for the Edinburgh International television Festival for allowing us to share that with you.

We will be back in two weeks with another bonus episode and then the usual show Returns at the start of October you can get episodes as soon as they're released by subscribing on your podcast app with Joyce just search for the media podcast with Olly Murs this was a PPM production produced by Matt Hill until next time bye bye.

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